Tuesday, December 20

6 Must-Do's for a Lasting and Enjoyable Marriage

My wife and I are married for a year and a half now. We lost our first baby six months ago during the 2nd month of the pregnancy. In the first couple of months in our married life, everything has been a challenge. We've grown to know every little thing there is to know with each other. That resulted to over familiarity and often to misunderstandings and fights.



We decided to attend our church (Christ Commission Fellowship) couples retreat program in the hopes to get to know more each other in love. It was held at Harbor Lights Hotel in Cagayan de Oro. Thank God we did because we were blessed by all the revelations He has impressed on us during the retreat. Below are six things we have learned:

1. Couples Must Leave, Cleave and Be One Flesh

It is God's design for marriage for a man to leave his family, be with his wife and enjoy intimacy with her. If a married couple lives with the husband's/wife's family, conflicts will surely arise. Husbands are heads of the family so there will be problems when there are 2 or more heads in the same household. A man who is married needs to find a separate place for him and his wife and be the head of the house.

Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

2. Couples Must Embrace and Practice Their Roles

  • Husband
    The roles of a husband are to be a leader and a lover. He should take responsibility in major decision-makings. He needs to provide for his family and be the spiritual leader in the house. He should also practice loving his wife unconditionally. He should disciple his wife.

    Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
  • Wife
    The role of a wife is to submit and respect the husband. Most of the times, women tend to control things and try to be leaders in the house. This can create chaos. A wife should give room for a husband to lead in decision makings.

    Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
3. Couples Must Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the oil that reduces the friction in a relationship. Conflicts are expected in marriage. Two people having different understanding of things can create misunderstandings. The key to a lasting marriage is to learn to forgive one another. Without forgiveness, pride takes in and communication is compromised. 

Matthew 6:14-15. 14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

4. Couples Must Improve Communication

Communication takes an effort on both the spouse's part. It is a two-way process. Practice your listening skills. There is a difference between just hearing and listening. In the modern world, a lot of barriers are present including phones, TV, computer, work and busyness. If you prioritize any of these barriers, then communication is not improved.

James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

5. Couples Must Learn Each Other's Love Language

There are 5 love languages according to this website. My wife and I took the test separately and we have learned the following:
  • My primary love language is Acts of Service and the secondary love language is Quality Time
  • My wife's primary love language is Physical Touch and the secondary love language is Acts of Service
According to our test results, I have learned that for my wife to feel loved, I need to hug her, hold her hands, and be close to her physically. My wife also learned that preparing food or doing the laundry are some of the things that I feel loved the most.

6. Couples Must Engage in Physical Intimacy

Sex is designed by God. Every couple must enjoy each other's body. When a couple stops having sex, problems may arise and communication is compromised. Likewise, conflicts may lead to decreased intimacy so it is important to resolve it first and forgive each other.

Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

As I said earlier, we were blessed by these revelations from God. Now, I am more intentional in leading my family and loving my wife in the hopes to have a lasting and enjoyable marriage.

Retreat Photos:

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2 comments:

  1. Thank God we did attend!I love you, Baibai! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Glad you attended this retreat. Hope you can invite more friends to the next one. CCF does a lot of these.

    ReplyDelete